I want love, but it's impossible
A man like me, so irresponsible
A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated
I can't love, shot full of holes
Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold
Don't feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart
But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love, that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love
I want love on my own terms
After everything I've ever learned
Me, I carry too much baggage
Oh man I've seen so much traffic
So bring it on, I've been bruised
Don't give me love that's clean and smooth
I'm ready for the rougher stuff
No sweet romance, I've had enough
(I Want Love - Elton John)
in Ally's world:
Up in her office, Glenn joins her, wondering why she left Elton John, and then wants the answer his earlier question about a date. She says that because she is older and a woman, she is smarter about love she knows that either one of two things would happen. "It wouldn't work out, and that would be very awkward because we work together. Or it would work out and that would be a disaster." She goes on to ask, "Did you ever consider that if we were to go out, and we started seeing each other over and over and over again, we might start spending the night together....It could get serious...We could even fall in love...and I'd get crushed, because that's what happens." Glenn thinks it's all about fear, but Ally says that she is just practical and that she promised herself that when she died, it would be written on her tombstone that "She was practical."
in my world:
it wouldn't work out neither, so awkward, because you don't know the man u're dealing now. or it would work and that would be a disaster. you've got yourself a lover you're even gonna married.
If we were go out, and we startes seeing each other over and over and over again, then you plan to have your studio beside my room, sleep on my bed. it could get me an addiction.. i could even want you more.. and i'd get chrushed by your leaving, because that's what happens
(the scene taken from Ally McBeal; fifth season - "I Want Love", and this chapter of my life)
Bukan Gue:
Hehe.. lagi dimana? Sedih nih. Smalem pas dia ngajak makan bareng, gw jadi ngrasa bisa temenan lagi ma dia. Makanya gw cerita banyak disana. Tapi malam ini dia bilang ada yang pengen diomongin, dan ga bisa skarang. Well, gw pikir dia udah berubah pikiran lagi. Jadi gw ngerasa kehilangan banget. Wah, padahal baru skali ketemu. Damn, gw kecolongan.
Bukan Gue:
Aduh.. Kirain gw dah aman dari perasaan spt ini. Tapi malah nglepas smua bahkan pas pertama kali ketemu orang yang gw kira bakal bertahan lama. Mau merem dulu deh. Siapa tau besok lupa.
Temennya:
hey hey, siapa ni skg?
Bukan Gue:
Huehehe. kalo cowo gay sih gw dah ga ngarepin
Temennya:
Tau ga apa yang dia bilang ke aku tentang kamu? Dia bilang kagum sama kamu. Sebagai teman dia biang telah salah menilai kamu. Mungkin dia mau ngomong itu ke kamu.
Bukan Gue:
Yeah.. kalo itu dia dah bilang sebelumnya. Tapi kalo tadi sore dia bilang pengen ngomong sesuatu. Apalagi setelah semalem ngobrol banyak. Tentunya dia dah berubah pikiran lagi. Perhaps I'm too freaky to be friends. hehehe..
Temennya:
Positive Thinking aja. Biar ga parno. Ntar hal-hal yang tak kau harapkan malah terjadi kalo parno. Emang ada sesuatu yang disengaja maupun tidak, mengganggu kalian?
Bukan Gue:
Yang jelas setelah dia minta maaf minggu lalu. Aku kepikiran terus. Seneng karena bisa deket lagi. Bingung karena ga tau mau dibawa ke arah mana pertemanan ini. Sekaligus takut bakal berakhir ga enak kaya yang udah-udah. Setelah semalem, gw sms ke dia. Say thx n bilang kalo bisa-bisa gw jadi addicted ke dia
Temennya:
Hehehe. Sepeti addicted to blog? :D Ya kalo kamu tau itu problemnya, minta dia untuk bantu kamu membangun pertemanan yang sehat. Yang ga jadi candu satu sama lain.
Bukan Gue:
I guess so. Hehe. Thx Mau merem dulu, Pusing kepikiran ini mulu dari tadi.
Temennya:
Udah istirahat dulu, Tarik nafas. Hembuskan pelan-pelan. Biar tidurnya enak. dan besok bangun pikiran udah seger. Have a nice dream - big hug-
hehehe...
what a weird, life's could be
but guess this is my life, i have to get along
beberapa alasan gw ga ngeblog lagi, karena gw pikir
my life has gave me hard times
and i didnt want to cherish it
but again..
life's still moving on.. so am i
see you at the next chapter
yogieginanjar: hei
bram: yeah
yogieginanjar: lu dmana?
bram: di kantor
bram: lo
bram: ?
yogieginanjar: warnet
yogieginanjar: kantor?
yogieginanjar: gaya banget
yogieginanjar: dmana?
bram: skg gw dah ngantor.. di cemara :P
yogieginanjar: Ceilee.... cemara? Kantor apaan? masih jadi webmaster?
bram: web designer
bram: :D
bram: sibuk ngapain aja lo skg?
yogieginanjar: njirrr, banyak duit lo! :D
yogieginanjar: gw lagi gawein proyek lukisan man...
bram: nah tuh lo malah mroyek2.. tajir dunks yah
yogieginanjar: kagak
yogieginanjar: eh
yogieginanjar: ya... lumayan lah
yogieginanjar: gw baru beli komputer baru
yogieginanjar: ngutang :D
yogieginanjar: bayarnya pake proyek yang ini... :D
bram: ciee... :P
bram: minta dibeliin si oki aja tuh
bram: beli mac
bram: :))
yogieginanjar: Gw udah jarang banget nih ke buton
yogieginanjar: sibuk benahin diri dulu euy...
yogieginanjar: ey, lu heran gak gw sms waktu malem kmaren/
yogieginanjar: sori ye
yogieginanjar: :)
yogieginanjar: gk tau knapa, gw jadi keinget smua hal yang pnah gw lakuin dan mungkin bisa nyakitin orang
yogieginanjar: termasuk ke elu
bram: :P
bram: wo what u did to me?
bram: what did u do to me
yogieginanjar: u know..
yogieginanjar: i've been really bad in make connection to people
bram: oh
yogieginanjar: i realized..
yogieginanjar: its really hard for some people even only to talk to another person
yogieginanjar: and make friends
yogieginanjar: but me
yogieginanjar: friends are coming w/out requested
yogieginanjar: i wasnt realized
yogieginanjar: till 1 by 1 went away... only bcause i made a real bad immpression...
yogieginanjar: that i didnt meant to.. ofcourse
bram: yeah..
bram: ge cuman mikir waktu itu, kalo emang lo ga bisa ngehargain gw, then u dont deserve to be my friend
yogieginanjar: heheh
yogieginanjar: ya...
yogieginanjar: waktu itu gw salah
yogieginanjar: tapi gk ada maksud gw bwt underestimate u
bram: it's okay with me if ure think im gay.. but it made me sick when someone told me that ure think i was attracted at u.. sexually
yogieginanjar: shit!!! Where did u get all that fuckin bullocks?
yogieginanjar: when i its right bout i've been scared
yogieginanjar: true iwas...
yogieginanjar: i told tarlen about it
yogieginanjar: but only that
bram: after video after school, thought i'd like to know u better, to know ue perception, ur mind, ur wat of thinking.. that's all
yogieginanjar: right
yogieginanjar: but about sexualy attracted?????
yogieginanjar: fuck i didnt feel like that
yogieginanjar: i was only scared and tald tarlen about it... krena gw baru aja ktemu ama lo
bram: humm...
yogieginanjar: dan gk biasa dgn perilaku lo
bram: brb...
bram: back..
bram: :)
bram: well... yang jelas this is me..
bram: take it or leave it
yogieginanjar: yeah i know
yogieginanjar: and i dont mind :)
bram: alasan gw sempet baik ke elo kaya pas ke lembang kemaren,
bram: gw kagum ma lo, gw pengen tau isi kepala lo
bram: meski smuanya udah ga kepikiran lagi, sejak lo jadi missbehaved waktu itu
yogieginanjar: hahaha
yogieginanjar: makanya cari cewek dong! :))
bram: dah ga jaman nyari pacar
bram: they invented cybersex
bram: or you can just play Dating SIms
bram: :D
bram: less heartache
yogieginanjar: yeahahahaha!
yogieginanjar: wah, jadi web designer gede juga gajinya ya?
bram: ngga tau juga sih
bram: masih percobaan
bram: trus di sini gajinya per bulan
bram: ngga per proyek
yogieginanjar: mmm
yogieginanjar: btw, lu dah lulus?
bram: heheheh
bram: belum
bram: kulnya berantakan
bram: :D
yogieginanjar: yahhahaha
yogieginanjar: jgn gitu dong
bram: too much stress at school i guess
bram: kalo di kantor i deal with less people and do more with what i love
yogieginanjar: stress knapa?
bram: temen-temennya ngga asik
bram: mungkin pemikirannya ga sama
bram: gap umur juga kali yah
yogieginanjar: hey man, consider it as a chalenge
yogieginanjar: gw jg pnah ngrasa kyak gtu
yogieginanjar: dan emang plariannya ke gawe
yogieginanjar: tapi entah ya lu bakal bilang ini sentimentil apa nggak...
yogieginanjar: tapi gw cuman mau ngrubah asumsi kbanyakan orang yang bilang kalo
yogieginanjar: sekolah sama 'real world' itu beda
bram: humm
yogieginanjar: banyak org yang DO kuliah krena alesan sibuk nyari duit smata, or they dont enjoy it
yogieginanjar: i dont blieve that
yogieginanjar: and i prove it
yogieginanjar: gw waktu TA, malah sempet ngurus pameran
yogieginanjar: graduated cum laude, jadi mahasiswa terbaik, tapi gw gak ngerasa jadi Nerd yang gk punya koneksi di luar kampus
yogieginanjar: Cerahati, selasar and many more
bram: yepp yepp...
bram: that's also what i did..
yogieginanjar: heheh
yogieginanjar: i didnt mean to teach u man
bram: tapi kadang bete banget, temen kampus gw sendiri ga ada yang bisa beroikir ke arah sana
bram: generasi skg, udah merasa selalu aman
bram: jadi ga pernah mau nyoba tantanagn baru
bram: hal paling banter yang mereka tau cuman soal tren
bram: they're really expert to things that became trend
bram: hehe...
bram: now i remember why i admire u so..
bram: :P
yogieginanjar: thanks man :D
yogieginanjar: yeah, gw jg paling benci sama anak2 manja
yogieginanjar: yang bsanya cuman ngabisin duit ortu doang... They just cant standing on their own feet
yogieginanjar: Gw udah gk dikasi ongkos kuliah maupun buku-buku sejak tingkat2 ttaun trakhir
yogieginanjar: idup kluarga gw pas2-an
yogieginanjar: waktu MA sama SMA gw pnah rangking ! dan raport gw gk bisa diambil karena gw blm bayar SPP
yogieginanjar: :((
yogieginanjar: It was a fucking pain in the ass
bram: hehe..
bram: and now ure wealthy rich
bram: :))
yogieginanjar: fuck im'not
yogieginanjar: if i were rich, i would buy a laptop like u did!!!!
yogieginanjar: still strugling man!
bram: but i cant still have myself love :P so ure still lucky in different way
yogieginanjar: :P
yogieginanjar: heheheh... u're good!
bram: lo masih jalan ama cewe yg dulu kan??
yogieginanjar: yup
bram: hehe...
bram: kapan th rencana punya anak
bram: rencana kawin ding
bram: u know condom doesnt always save the day
yogieginanjar: iya euy, ortunya nih rese, mesti nuggu die lulus dulu
yogieginanjar: njirr goblok!
yogieginanjar: :D
yogieginanjar: tar pas die lulus kyaknya
yogieginanjar: trus rencana lu apa lagi nih?
bram: humm... lagi sibuk ngedugem
bram: :D
yogieginanjar: ah... payah, masih tetep.. Progress dong! Beli tempat dugemnya gitu!
bram: iyah.. ini lagi makin progress
bram: www.discomate.com
bram: ntar bakal dibikin portal night life gitu
yogieginanjar: its cool man! really!
yogieginanjar: lu emang setan clubber berbakat!!
bram: huehe...
yogieginanjar: gw pikir ini prospektif
bram: taun ini rencannya ekxpansi ke outlet2 dj euioment
bram: biar mereka pasang barang mereka
bram: trus ama nyiapin event2
yogieginanjar: lu bisa bikin jdi komersial loh! Ato udah?
yogieginanjar: Wah wah asik tuh
yogieginanjar: eh lu dah liat multiply gw?
yogieginanjar: gw baru upload karya2 gw lagi
bram: belum
bram: kemaren masih kosong
bram: alamatny apa
yogieginanjar: tapi its goddam late!
yogieginanjar: www.thedivinecomedy.multiply.com
bram: humm... eh.. masih mungkin ga kalo kapan2 g ngajak lo jalan lagi.. have a long talk
yogieginanjar: yeah, ireally like to
yogieginanjar: tapi ada syarat nyong..
yogieginanjar: lu juga hrus crita sejak kapan lu maen2 jadi webdesigner
bram: hehe... does it interest u?
yogieginanjar: dan skrg dah jadi pro :P Shit u're a talented asshole! ofcourse i do!
bram: haha... now my ass hole also have a talent.. grouchh!!!
bram: :-&
yogieginanjar: :-& Gw demen punya temen yang punya visi, rada2 nge-indie and rebellous!
yogieginanjar: "D
yogieginanjar: :D
yogieginanjar: Duh... lama amat nih multiply
yogieginanjar: gw mau bikin porto online
bram: hehe..
bram: keren2 tu yah karayanya
bram: itu ngelukis ulang atau gimana sih .. dari versi aslinya?
yogieginanjar: yeah, but its not plagiarism... The concept called appropiation
yogieginanjar: jadi...
yogieginanjar: Appropiasi digunakan sebagai cara buat ngolok2 sebuah subjek.. Apapun itu. Skaligus menyangkal adanya orisinalitas
yogieginanjar: konsepnya mulai populer setelah cyber culture
bram: ic...
yogieginanjar: dimana orang2 udah saling terkoneksi dan sling terpengaruh satu sama lain
yogieginanjar: bayangin lu adalah sebuah objek rakitan, kayak puzzle misalnya
bram: yeah nothing's original now
yogieginanjar: ketika pzzle dibongkar, lu nemuin kalo potongan-potonga tersebut sbenernya cuman kumpulan data2 yang lu serap selama waktu usia lu
bram: bahkan semua temuan baru adalah penyempurnaan dari hal yang udah ada
bram: :D
yogieginanjar: yeap
bram: got the point
yogieginanjar: lu mau tau knapa bisa ada konsep sperti itu? latar belakangnya?
yogieginanjar: Appropiasi adlah konsep yang erat sama budaya Postmodern
yogieginanjar: antitesis budaya modern
yogieginanjar: para pmikir modern sangat mengagung-agungkan orisinalitas
yogieginanjar: makanya lu bisa temuin alesan knapa di dalam lukisan ada tandatangannya
yogieginanjar:
yogieginanjar: heheh:-B
bram: hehe...
bram: gw masih ga ngerti soal posmo dan antitesis
yogieginanjar: But now, the author has allready dead!!
yogieginanjar: Post=pasca, sesudah... menandakan sesuatu yang muncul setelah era/bdya modern
yogieginanjar: antitesis=penyangkalan/negasi
bram: batas budaya modern dimana?
yogieginanjar: tergantung apa dulu subjeknya, filsafat? seni? or else?
bram: in ur context
yogieginanjar: ok
yogieginanjar: budaya modern tuh sbnrnya dah mulai akarnya dari zaman pncerahan (enlightment era)
yogieginanjar: dmana orag mulai menciptakan berbagai kecanggihan produk budaya (teknologi, sastra dll)
yogieginanjar: pnemuan dihargai dan bahkan diapresiasi secara berlebih, more than religion
yogieginanjar: mereka menghargai inventors
yogieginanjar: dan berpikir bahwa mereka itu unik
yogieginanjar: setiap oribadi adalah 'pencipta'
bram: trus.. kapan mulai sianggep pasca
yogieginanjar: give me a minute...
yogieginanjar: trus
yogieginanjar: brjalanlah kbudayaan sprti itu di Barat slama lbih dari 5 abad
yogieginanjar: nah, sampe ada beberapa orag pmikir yang mulai kganggu sama konsep manusia sebagai 'pencipta' (dalam konteks penghasil ide2 cemerlang)
yogieginanjar: orag2 in dtg dari klangan seniman, budayawan, saintis, sampe psikolog
yogieginanjar: trus sbagian dari mreka mnemukan politisasi dari konsep 'pencipta/pnemu' trsebut
yogieginanjar: contonya mudah
yogieginanjar: eksloitasi kekayaan budaya masyarakat primitif/ tradisional oleh org2 Barat
yogieginanjar: lu coba cek deh contonya, banyak banget buku2 ttg Indonesia dan berbagai budayanya dieksloitasi atas nama org Barat
yogieginanjar: Penemunya, penulisnya sampe label produksi bukunyapun orag2 Barat
yogieginanjar: yag mndapat keuntunganpun akhirnya org2 Barat itu
yogieginanjar: Shit...
yogieginanjar: Nah...
yogieginanjar: Motif inipun kmudian dibongkar oleh para pmikir posmo itu
bram: humm.. 8-)
yogieginanjar: merekapun mulai menyebar konsep bahwa sbnernya manusia itu adalah para 'perancang', bukan 'pencipta'
yogieginanjar: hey..
yogieginanjar: emang panjang
yogieginanjar: tp gw bisa ksih lu rekomendasi bacaan awal
yogieginanjar: klo lu suka
yogieginanjar: Cari buku Dunia Sophie karangan Jostein Gardner
yogieginanjar: its lite, plain but loaded!!!!
bram: oh iya.. dunia sophie
bram: ntar gw cari
bram: ge lupa apa gw udah beli atau belum
yogieginanjar: better than u make my fingers dancin on this supid malfunc keyboard!!!
yogieginanjar: <):) bram: huehehehe..
bram: i' luve to see u dance again
bram: :D
bram: ayo kapan dugem bareng?
yogieginanjar: wuahaha! My gurlfriend could kill me for that!
yogieginanjar: bsides
yogieginanjar: it needs a lot of money man!
bram: well.. dont tell her.. it will be just our nite with friends :))
bram: it's called "politic of the club"
yogieginanjar: hey you evil sick! >:)
bram: guest list, and outside drinks
yogieginanjar: :))
bram: cheaper way to get the same luxury
yogieginanjar: hehehe
yogieginanjar: Btw, lu gk cape? Ngejalanin nightlife and workin hard in the daytime
yogieginanjar: its not easy man..
yogieginanjar: :|
bram: huehehe.. it's part of the fun.. secara gw kalo di club, paling hajar!!
bram: berat badan gw turun mpe 38 minggu lalu
bram: :)
bram: yeah... ngga tau juga sih..
bram: belum nemu formula yg pas
bram: tapi biasanya jam 6-8 malem tidur
yogieginanjar: :O
bram: trus dilanjutin balik dugem jam 4-9 pagi
yogieginanjar: damn... Gw cabut dari band gara2 gk bisa ngjalanin lifestyle macem gitu
bram: tapi kan ga musti tiap hari..
yogieginanjar: iya
yogieginanjar: ayo juga kapan2 lah
yogieginanjar: tapi gw pikir klo itu udah jadi gwean lo gk msalah si
bram: sipp sip..
bram: oh ya.. another thin
bram: and i will just ask you this once..
bram: is it weird id sometimes i share with you about my feelings
bram: about friend, love, those personal stuffs??
yogieginanjar: gw punya tmen DJ jg udah tiap hari kayak gitu
yogieginanjar: ?
bram: is it weird if sometimes i share with you about my feelings
bram: about friend, love, those personal stuffs??
bram: now i asked u twice.. damn.. why i just kept my promise only for a minute
yogieginanjar: :))
bram: so so...
bram: the answer please :P
yogieginanjar: no ofcourse
yogieginanjar: dulu gw cuman gk prnah aja pnya temen kyak lu
yogieginanjar: yang bisa 'get personal'
bram: yeah.. it's the only way to keep me sane
bram: :D
yogieginanjar: Ya nggak lah, gw udah ngerti
yogieginanjar: just tell me what u wanna tell
yogieginanjar: im sure there are many ways to learn
bram: hehe.. thx.. it means a lot
bram: :D
bram: now i must lookin for ur phone number again
bram: lo demen nonton movie gitu ngga siy?
yogieginanjar:
yogieginanjar: i think its not wasting our time to learn another part of som1's life
yogieginanjar: i also could learn from u
bram: hehe... u have ur lifetime to try to understand me :))
yogieginanjar: wah.. demen demen!
bram: ... WAH NGELAGG... gw ngomong sampe surabaya.. lo masih di cirebon
yogieginanjar: apalagi film horor!
yogieginanjar: ...
yogieginanjar: ok get ur feet back onto the ground man!
yogieginanjar: gw mulai kesel juga nih, nge upload gk beres2
yogieginanjar: lama bgt ya
yogieginanjar: pdhl udah gw kcilin ukuran gbrnya
bram: hummm.. haha... kalo gw lagi males liat horror..
bram: horror skg cuman thriller doang
bram: ga ada yg bener2 serem
yogieginanjar: duh... masih ngeLAGGGG
yogieginanjar: jadi gk nyambuonggg nehhh
yogieginanjar: :))
yogieginanjar: gw jg ngrasa gk ada lagi yg serem setelah Shutter
bram: hehe.. uhm.. gw belum punya nomor elo lagi..
bram: kamren smsnya udah pada kehapus..
bram: masih boleh punya nomor elo?
yogieginanjar: 081320531371
bram: sipp
yogieginanjar: btw, lu tau sesuatu ttg e-gold gak?
yogieginanjar: gw ada project via net, dan transaksinya lewat e-gold
yogieginanjar: gw udah ngerti semua prosedurnya, kecuali 1:
bram: pernah denger
bram: ga tau dimananya?
yogieginanjar: NYAIRIN DUITNYA!
yogieginanjar: D u have any infrmation?
yogieginanjar: hmmm
bram: humm... kurang tau kalo soal itu
yogieginanjar: coba acces; www.getafreelancer.com
yogieginanjar: lu bisa kaya tuh
yogieginanjar: bnyak bgt gawean web design
yogieginanjar: tp lu jgn sebarluasin sitenya dulu, ntar banyak saingan.. hehe (mentally worried for oportunities...Coward!!)
bram: hehehe
bram: hold on
bram: hahaha...
bram: kacaw lu...
bram: nyebarinnya cuman ke temen2 non desain aja deh ya
bram: iya nih.. skg lagi banyak order yg belum kehandle
bram: gara2 ga ada programmer
yogieginanjar: ok deh, klo lu ada info ato apapun lah yang bisa dijadiin proyek, lu kontak gue ya, gw lg ngumpulin modal nih bwt kawin!! :D
bram: yepp.. yepp...
yogieginanjar: Gw cabs dulu ya, udah mahal nih
yogieginanjar: warnetnya lemot amat nih sial!
yogieginanjar: bye and thanks man!
yogieginanjar has signed out. (1/17/2007 2:58 PM)
